"Children
Of The Corn TV Remake (2009)"
"Children
Of The Corn" has always interested me...even when I was small, there was
always something about the title..that just filled me with dread. I remember
watching the Original 1984 film a few years ago but can't remember much about
it......but I saw that they had made a TV adaptation of the "Children Of
The Corn" and decided to check it out..........
So we are
greeted to sun shining through the corn.......and are treated to an opening
sequence in which a Child Preacher is converting the children of Gatlin to
sacrifice to please "He Who Walks Behind the Rows"..my first thoughts
this was Isaac....this child has a commanding/disturbing and above all a creepy
presence about him...his facial expressions show his distaste for
sinners....sadly It wasn't Isaac...but I wish it was :(
Cut 12
years later......similar opening to the original with a car driving down an
isolated road surrounded by corn fields....I'm liking this couple and enjoying
their bickering and there is real tension between them. They carry on bickering
and arguing and don't noticed a injured child appear in front of them until
it's too late and accidentally knock down the child down......Vicky starts screaming
and yelling and pouting her bottom lip and head bobbling in the way only Hip
Hop people can do......she's starting to get on my nerves with her
attitude.....Burt investigates and finds that the kids throat has been cut and
he goes of into the cornfield and finds the dead boy's bag which he takes back
to the car......the open road and just cornfields on either sides reminded me
of "Texas Chainsaw Massacre".....and you do get the feeling of
isolation.....until.........the appearance of Malachai.....prick was the first
word that popped into my head and as for Isaac he needs his ass spanked he's
like a spoilt child sporting a ridiculous large hat!!!! So back to the car
driving off more bickering...so Vicky agrees to open the Dead Boy's bag and
then something strange happens.... She comes across a corn effigy and reacts in
a way that suggests she has seen this effigy before. Her reaction is so strong
and the way she instantly branded it as evil and didn't want it in the car says
to me she may of heard stories of this effigy whilst she was a little girl
traveling with her minister dad??? who knows it's not explained or expanded
on..........
Back to
the Clearing in the Heart of the Cornfields there is a little
"prayer" meeting between Isaac, Malachai and the other children of
the town...the usual brain washing dribble that so many religious zealots do to
install fear into a population.....as for Malachai ....he can't act for
toffee.....he's that bad.
So the
couple finally arrive at the town of Gatlin and this is where I started to
become a bit distracted, the film started to use the annoying cheesy trick of
having children standing there and when you turn back they are gone....rolls
eyes. it would of been better if they didn't show the children...and just had the
empty town as I feel this would increase the feeling of isolation and
claustrophobia of Gatlin. So Vicky decides to do more of that annoying head
bobbling...and I'm starting to think with all that head bobbing and lip pouting
no wonder Burt is divorcing her. Also she has no idea that he still loves her
and in a gentle moment before Burt goes to investigate Gatlin Church.... she
shows no signs of understanding....she just acts as a self centered spoilt
bitch..thus another argument and Burt storming off.............
God I
hate the actor who's playing Malachai...the corn is less wooden than
him..also the children's dress sense reminds me of the Amish.........who
have gone seriously psychotic......ugggghhhhhh Isaac is doing my head in he
can't act..... its painful to watch and makes my eyes bleed...it's that
bad.....I know some people will say he's only a child......but I don't care
there are plenty of good child actors out there so there is no excuse what so
ever....I was wishing for the Child Preacher from the beginning was playing
Isaac...... So Isaac instructs the Children that its time for “Ring a Ring a
Roses” around the car....scaring the life out of Vicky.....so the kids
metamorphose into Chavs and begin to wreak the car......this is quite normal
behaviour in the North Britain......Vicky screams and yells and beeps the horn
and as Malachai reaches in to grab Vicky.... she reaches for the pump action
rifle and takes down one of those little buggers as Malachai slyly moves out of
the way...DAMN!!!!......sadly she is slain by that ginger bastard of
Malachai......Burt comes back and Malachai blows up the car in the most
dramatic car explosion that was quite Over The Top... damn I never knew a cig
could do so much damage.....I think I better find safe alternatives for
pleasure. Burt wracked with grief decides to kicks some ass and assaults the
murdering sods........Then Isaac opens his gob and starts a great announcement
from the roof top..is that meant to scare me???...Burt's attitude is like
"whatever"....my response was "I'd be right up there and then we
will see who's the tough one after I've thrown him of the roof!!!!!"...
then Isaac does a feat that I call a “ What the fuck moment”.....I had to
re-watch it twice....and each time I laughed my ass off.......how the hell did
Isaac manage to throw that knife from one end of the street to the other and
get a perfect shot in the arm?????....my only answer is "He Who Takes Him
From Behind" must of blessed Isaac with super shot, also Isaac is such an
anal retentive.....
Burt
starts killing and braking arms in full glorious child assault......he is one
bad ass also love his witty one liners..especially the "Put that in your
pipe and smoke it" one had me laughing because the children's reactions
were like "who is this guy" and you could see the fear in their eyes
and how brain washed and how much power Isaac has over them.
Isaac
gave the order to hunt down Burt...the children give chase.....Isaac proceeds
to give Malachai a lecture and says “He Who Walks Between the Rows” is
displeased in him and finds his faith is lapsing...(why do I get the urge to
put in a Star Wars reference here)....
Burt is
on the run being chased by an army of blood thirsty children...and makes a
perfectly logical move..... dive into the corn field...good move???.....then it
cut's back to Isaac..he is really starting to doing my head, he has such an
annoying voice and I mean annoying.....its like he has constipation and inhaled
helium..at the same time......then we leave Isaac and were are back too
Burt......Using his military tactics Burt takes down the murderous children by
using stealth...and breaks a blonde haired child's neck in one fluid motion and
then stabs another....classic.....I've just realised this film has some thing
in common with "Children of the Damned"...there are large numbers of
murderous blonde haired children.......so cut back to Isaac.and he's in Gatlin
church where he initiates the children to watch two chosen teens have sex...and
my god she's one noisy bitch.....I mean so over the top it was verging of badly
acted porn levels all it was missing was "Oh yeah Baby ooohhhhhh
yeah"..I was quite glad when that was over......and you are given
beautiful scenes of sunsets behind cornfields......it had a creepy element to it
a sense of foreboding.....
Back to
the cornfields and the cornfields start to come alive in true "Day of the
Triffids" fashion.....Burt eventually finds the clearing in the heart of
the cornfields and discovers his dead wife is now a sacrificial
scarecrow....then the director decided to ruin the scene by having his dead
wife speak to him and taunt him and most annoyingly she sounds like a bloody
smurf!!!!..........as the sky grows darker Burt looks up and
screams........"He Who Walks Behind The Rows" has taken another
victim..... and the film ends with Isaac saying he had a dream in which
"He Who Walks Behind The Rows" is displeased with the sacrifices and
is lowering the age from 19 to 18 and they have to sacrifice themselves too
"He Who Walks Behind The Rows" in the evening.....as the group of
children walk pass a mound of thier fallen members, they throw corn effigies
onto them.....and the last person to leave is Isaac and he picks up a burning
log and throws it onto the pyre of bodies and shouts "Scarecrow" at
the Sacrificed Burt.....who's make-up was pretty good.......Cue the end
credits........
Ok I must
admit I did enjoy this TV adaptation of "Children of the Corn" it's
not a perfect film and has a few flaws and acting problems. Isaac and Malachai
being the biggest problem in regards to acting, I vaguely remember from the
1984 version the actor who played Malachai was ten times better and that Isaac
was pretty creepy......I think I need to revisit and re-watch the Original
"Children of the Corn" and see how it compares to the TV
Remake..........
Verdict:
It's a ok adaptation of the Stephen King's short story "Children of the
Corn"...compared to other TV adaptations of King's works it's not the
best....but it's short and the action is fast paced without too much padding.Oh
and it's filmed in that scepia colour, the same technique they used in the
"Texas Chainsaw Massacre" Remakes....which didn't bother me to much
it made the film a little darker I guess It's major flaw centre's around
the annoying wife...if you can put up with her constant nagging and the two
main antagonists being weak..... both in actors choice and portrayal of the
characters. Isaac was more annoying than threatening and didn't make me feel with
dread, in fact it made me what to hit him. Malachai was acted out as a
stereotypical mad man and was so monotonous in the delivery of his lines......
I see Malachai as a bloodthirsty fanatic who also has his doubts and can show
some compassion and for Isaac think the Preacher from "Poltergeist
II" but in child form.
"Children
of the Corn" TV Remake (2009) is worth a look despite it's flaws is an
enjoyable film....and the plot moves at a good speed without the unnecessary
padding that some films do....it lacks character development in regards to the
other children especially Malachai's pregnant girlfriend...which is a shame as
the actress was good.....she didn't say much but her facial expressions said
everything and it would of been nice to see more of her and Malachai's
relationship........
I'm of to
eat some corn and contemplate what to watch next...............
No comments:
Post a Comment